My Reflections on Miscarriage/Stillbirth & Abortion
Photo Courtesy of Creative Commons from B&W Rose who lost a child from miscarriage
I’m starting off with a quote that I came across from another woman who lost six children who wrote about this same topic and titled her blog post similarly. This quote seemed too wonderful not to share and I’d also very much encourage you all to read what she expressed on this same topic.
"The most beautiful people we have known are those who have known defeat, known suffering, known struggle, known loss, and have found their way out of the depths. These persons have an appreciation, a sensitivity, and an understanding of life that fills them with compassion, gentleness, and a deep loving concern. Beautiful people do not just happen." - Elisabeth Kubler-Ross
I’ve had a number of friends/family go through miscarriages specifically and it seems like it’s both becoming a more common experience and a topic that people are talking about more often these days. Similar spiritual lessons apply to stillbirths and abortions and as such, I wanted to incorporate these experiences into this conversation. Hearing of another amazing person I know go through a miscarriage recently prompted me to sit, ponder and research this topic at greater length to try and make sense of the suffering and grief I’ve been witness to of people I care deeply about and an inquiry around why would the higher spirits bring this experience forward to anyone period. I actually started writing this piece over two years ago and as someone who is psychic and empathetic, it’s at times difficult for me to share thoughts on issues that are controversial and likely to produce pain for others. However, I’m getting this out now in the hope that it will be helpful and also I‘m feeling a spiritual push for me to speak up more often and share my opinion on matters such as this one. It’s also a healing for me of sorts to write on this topic, as I myself in my own way am grieving over the uncertainty of bringing children into this lifetime. In considering not going through a physical pregnancy, I find myself energetically mourning over the concept of not bearing children of my own and having more or less felt a calling around channeling my motherly instincts to the many people in my life who I see and feel are deserving of unconditional love. I also want to shine light on women like me who make the decision not to have kids and/or life dictates that for them to illuminate that we too grieve and undergo suffering around not having children, which may not be as apparent, but is still present and worth recognition.
Before getting into the points below, I’d like to put forward the caveats that I myself have not gone through a miscarriage/stillbirth/or abortion. Therefore, please excuse me in advance for hurting and/or offending anyone’s feelings. I realize this is a charged emotional topic that is very nuanced with each particular situation and really it is my primary intent to share what I spiritually sense and know is true from my psychic vantage point. To this end, please take what resonates and let go of what does not. I hope that some of what I express will either give comfort, spark thought or undigested thoughts/feelings that aspire to be healed and/or give context and greater understanding to that which you already know or have experienced. I’m more than happy to talk with any of you further and please do not hesitate to reach out and/or put forward any comments following reading this post.
What I wish to share from a spiritual basis regarding miscarriage/stillbirth & abortions is the following in no particular order:
The soul of an unborn child returns to the place of origination following a stillbirth/miscarriage or abortion and everything works out for a reason. This “working out for a reason” statement I recognize either will not sit or digest well for some. I think one difficult aspect to consider in our lives is that we can get very focused on ourselves specifically and on the short-term. From a spiritual perspective, life is very multi-dimensional and we are part of a larger orchestra moving along and evolving together based on the myriad of experiences that all of us undergo. Also, the long-term is taken into consideration, so an experience at the time that can feel extremely painful and illogical very likely over time will produce greater clarity and polish us in a certain way for what lies ahead in our life path (for ourselves individually and for other people who we are destined to support and aid in their development and growth individually and collectively together).
The soul of the child (or the mother, depending on the situation) is saying, “It is not the right time.” It’s possible and likely this same spirit will wait till the right time for the same parents or it may enter into the world under a different set of circumstances. Much like ourselves on Earth, these baby spirits have free will to make this decision, just like a mother or a set of parents in the case of an abortion. Like the author of the blog I referenced at the beginning of this post mentioned in the context of a miscarriage or abortion, I agree when she says, “How we lost the child really has less to do with us & more to do with that child's spiritual journey.”
I believe and I have come across this belief from other spiritual teachers that contend it’s more traumatic for spirits to enter into this world than it is to leave. We all certainly in our different ways fear death and yet if we believe in an afterlife & reincarnation, we can access peace knowing these babies and our loved ones are heading back home when they pass. As a spirit coming into this world, we are leaving our pure multi-dimensional full-hearted loving state and coming into the world where adversity and painful experiences transpire (as well as wonderful times too!). We do this to learn and grow, which can only happen through a mix of different lived experiences and overall we as spirits yearn and are meant to evolve, but it is somewhat bittersweet to leave this pure state.
Many different spiritual teachers including me hold the belief that spirits choose their parents, the environment, major life happenings and different potential points in which to leave Earth all before coming into this lifetime. All of these different variables are taken into consideration in order to produce the right field for this particular spirit and for those in their nucleus to spark growth, evolvement & flourishing.
Life also from a spiritual perspective is not about living a long time. It’s at the rawest essence about learning and evolving (which comes from different life experiences). Some spirits have very basic life lessons they wish to experience and a spirit can opt to have the opportunity of a miscarriage/stillbirth or abortion to evolve based on that particular learning.
All spirits understand the weight of the decision around coming into this Earth plane and the diversity of experiences that will transpire. Some spirits have had difficult past lives and get cold feet about coming back or are testing the waters about coming onto this plane because of fearing the pain and hardship that will occur.
It is also part of the soul growth of the parents to undergo a miscarriage/stillbirth or abortion experience. Many lessons unfold and through the adversity of the loss the parents and any other children become a light for others – helping them to recognize that through love, strength and understanding spirits have the opportunity to evolve and grow. I understand parents will always feels this loss and the shadowy or darkness surrounding the pain. It is part of life to experience loss – each different form of loss we go through prepares us for our eventual death (as hard as this is to swallow). There is always light and learning to recognize and grab a hold of as well as credence to experience the dark and shadow. It’s just important as much as possible to not get stuck in the darkness; but to honor, hold reverence & experience it as well as continue swimming in life and learning and growing.
The baby feels everything the mother experiences in utero; it’s a very sensitive being in this stage of development and if it is encountering a lot of fear, anxiety and restlessness, than some spirits will decide it is not the right time to come forth onto Earth.
The other thing to understand is that a spirit will often hang around the parents for quite some time –years likely – before deciding to be born. They are waiting for the right set of circumstances to be happy and fulfilled, to be able to live out their life purpose, learning and growth that they mapped out to experience themselves and what they spark for others while being on this Earth plane. They are waiting and dialoging with their parents on a psychic level about the right time to be birthed that will serve the greatest good for all spirits.
A miscarriage or stillbirth may also be caused by karma – un-integrated experiences or lessons not learned that are awaiting integration with that spirit who is looking to come into the world. It is growth for the soul on both sides to undergo that experience.
The choice about having a child is not only about what you have to offer and what you desire to share and help expand with this spirit, but also about what you are open to learning and receiving from this child. There has to be a certain matching energy around these aspects aligning for a spirit to come into being and as such, this can be another reason for wrong timing and/or conditions for the child to come into the world.
A miscarriage/stillbirth or abortion is a very profound sense of loss and is the opportunity to be experienced as much as possible in order to digest and reap the learning that can be applied in one’s own life and the fruit of that loss that can be shared with others. It is a loss of what could have been – a dream that one has every right to honor and process that gives color, humility and grace for each person and a community at large.
There are other very painful life experiences that many of us undergo. Going through an experience of a miscarriage/stillbirth or abortion allows us to see and feel the pain of others. On a deep level we are all one in the same – through our individuality and oneness. I encourage you all to share with one another, express your vulnerability & recognize that we all have our own shadows and darkness and that we can illuminate together in order to rise to be the even greater potential I feel and sense we all are underneath our many layers.
I hope some of what I offer here is helpful to you. I can only imagine the journey any and all of you who have experienced a miscarriage/stillbirth or abortion have been through, which I imagine has been arduous and difficult. I wish for all of you learning and a found sense of peace with the hardship and that you may be a light for others in the shadow and darkness that you have walked through which can help others along their path.
Please don’t hesitate to share your comments or reach out to me individually with any questions.
Much love to you all,
Marisa